Real Feeling

You know you are fucked up when you are super drunk and crying over Truly — Lionel Richie.

And the feeling feel so real. Both of us cannot escape from it. It seems like the feeling chase us. Yet, the universe is funny. The time we both realise our own feeling, it was our last time to see each other.

I remember how he hugged me from the back and kiss my shoulder.

How he held my hand and kiss on my cheek. Then slowly kiss my lips and swallow it.

I love his smell and it means somethings since I have sensitive nose.

I love playing his hair eventho I know he doesn’t like it.

“If you are an animal, I guess you are a grizzly bear,” I told him that. I couldn’t see his face since it’s dark but I can feel the hug been tighter.

“Do you expect me can be a lover as well? Why you always think I’m a playboy. What is a playboy anyway,” he confronted me which makes me laugh.
I laugh because whatever he said to me would be too late.

I wish I could hear this 5 months ago.

I wish we both can solve our misunderstanding at that time and get back to each other.

I wish I could spend more time with you and learn more about you.

“Now I look for something long term. I could easily go to a bar and hit any girls. But sex is not fulfilling. And I’m easy to get bored. Having conversation like this is more relaxing for me,” he told me after we talked about China politics.

But it’s too late.

I even don’t have a chance to have a proper goodbye.

Or is this not a goodbye?

Will I ever see you again and we can start whatever happen between us?

It is true, you will not forget the way you make them feel. Whatever it is, it touch my deepest heart.

[Canberra, December 9, 2018]

Sunset

I walk through the line
As I see the sun goes down
I wish it could be you that sit next to me
As the wind plays my hair
And you hold my hand and kiss my shoulder
I want to hold you tight
As if there is no tomorrow
And yet, you are not there
Or anywhere

Anak Gadis Berbaju Putih

Aku berjalan sendirian menuju rumahku, mungkin dalam waktu 5 menit aku akan segera sampai. Aku tinggal di sebuah perumahan di pinggir kota, suasana di sini sangatlah tenang dan menyenangkan, tidak terlalu ramai dan tidak terlalu sepi.

Tapi malam itu suasana sangat berbeda, malam begitu sunyi, sinar bulan purnama timbul tenggelam karena langit yang mendung, angin bertiup begitu keras, memainkan suara gemerisik keras diantara rindanganya pepohonan.

Saat mendekati persimpangan, aku mendengar tawa anak kecil yang riang, aku mencari darimana suara itu berasal. Ketika aku melihat kesebelah kiri, aku melihat sesosok anak kecil berbaju abu-abu berlari kecil dengan riang di ujung persimpangan jalan yang lain.

Aku terkejut, orang tua mana yang memperbolehkan anaknya keluar jam segini. Tiba-tiba, angin kencang berhembus, membawa butiran-butiran debu yang membuat mataku perih. Aku menutup mataku.

Tak lama setelah angin berhenti berhembus, seseorang menarik bajuku, lalu ku mendengar suara anak perempuan bertanya
“Ada apa Kak? Kok kakak dari tadi memandangku dari kejauhan?”

FIN

Kereta Pukul 08.00

Kereta itu melaju.
Jadwal keberangkatan jam 08.00.
Penuh sesak dengan penumpang yang hendak berangkat kerja

Tahukah kalian?
12 rangkaian kereta itu terguling tak jauh dari stasiun keberangkatan.
Patah rel menjadi penyebabnya.
Banyak yang terluka.
Banyak pula yang tak bernyawa.
Tentunya, peristiwa ini begitu mengagetkan, semua orang

Tapi tahukah kamu apa yang paling kusesali sekarang?
Aku yang memaksakan diri untuk masuk ke dalam kereta.
Menyikut orang lain agar ia turun dari gerbong kereta.
Aku menyesal, tak mendengarkan himbauan petugas.
Untuk menunggu kereta selanjutnya.

Aku sekarang hanya bisa pasrah.
Menunggu hari dimana apa yang kuperbuat diminta pertanggungjawabannya.